Update on "Mahana":

She wrote back. *sigh*

So because I don't log onto my account every day I just loose my account and my money? Really not cool. And your email didn't in any way ask me to defend myself, it just simply stated that you believed some email from someone and deleted my account, no questions asked. I'd much rather have my account reinstated but if you can't do that, then send my money back to my Paypal account. I know you have some time to refund that, without cost to you as I have been a member of Paypal for many years. This is in no way my fault. I'm sorry my ex is a jerk, gee I wonder why we aren't married any longer, and I don't log on every day, I have a job, a boyfriend, play rehearsal and 3 kids to take care of, so the internet isn't my life. The moment I read your email I responded. Can't respond to some issue if I don't know it exsists.

To which I said:

Sorry for the confusion. Let me clarify.

A) the email came from < her email addy >, which is the email you gave to Paypal. Why would someone be able to check your email and send from your email? Seems reasonable to assume only a spouse (or, yes, a jerk ex) would have that kind of access.

B) I responded to THAT email address, not to this one. I don't understand why you have a separate email account for Paypal, and why you don't check it.

C) Naturally I can't have not-completely-divorced people on the site, so I had to take action ASAP; I felt 24 hours was plenty. I'm happy to reinstate your account, but I'd like a faxed copy of your divorce paper (any page of it with the divorce date on it will do) so I can see the date myself. It's his word against yours, and that will solve the problem.

Sorry to make you jump through hoops. I'm liable if I let non-single people be on the site. If you'd like your account reinstated, please fax me the doc at < my fax # >, and it'll be back in no time.

Randy

I thought that was fair. She didn't.

Good grief. Okay here is the WHOLE story. I tried to give Paypal my new email address but I had to have my old checking account number in order to change that. Since I am divorced and have moved halfway across the country from my ex, I do not have any of those old checks, or check books, bank statements, etc... So I wasn't able to change my email addy. When I made the payment I knew it would go to my old aol account, which I knew Thurston would gain access too, because no matter how many times I change my password he still has the ability to call aol and get it. I waited for the confirmation email to arrive at my aol account, so I could delete it before Thurston got to it. I deleted it but I didn't think about deleting it from my recently deleted file, which of course he checked and which is why you got an email from him. Am I used to this? Yes, it's been a problem for quite some time and I'm just! not as cunning as him I guess. So, that is why I have used a yahoo account for all email and why Paypal still has my old one.

I do not have a computer of my own. I'm using one at the library as I speak, there is no scanner, so I can't scan the divorce papers to email them to you. I also do not have a fax machine, and therefore would have to pay to send you a paper that I really don't think I should have to send. Yup, his word against mine. In fact I also have no furniture, no car, not even a dish to account for 9 whole years of marraige. I do however have 3 beautiful children that I had to fight for. Thurston hasn't paid a dime of child support to help me care for them, but instead dumped $30,000 of debt on me. He kept the 4 houses we own, both cars and every possession. All I wanted was out of the marraige[sic] because he's totally crazy and I couldn't take it anymore.

So, after all that, I find a great website where I can talk to people. People who have been in similar situations and for the most part live too far away from me, so I can be myself, dump my crap on and don't have to worry about what they think. Then you decide to start charging us for talking on your site and it took me about 3 days to finally get the stupid thing paid for because of the previous Paypal account issues that I told you. My ex did exactly as I thought he would (boy I never learn) and you cancel my account, want me to now prove I'm divorced which will cost me even more money that I don't have and I'm so dang frustrated I think I could cry right now. Just give me back my money and I'll never go to your site again.

Well, I caved in and refunded her money. Though I'm having a hard time imagining a way she could get NOTHING financial out of the divorce, unless Thurston (names have been changed, by the way) was telling the truth about her having committed adultery.

Then again, I'm no divorce lawyer. But I'm struggling, because I have very, very little love for someone that commits adultery. Fornication, sure. You are in love, things get heated, you make a (large) mistake. But ADULTERY -- whew, nelly. I don't see how you can do something so evil -- I don't see how you could hold hands with someone that's not your spouse, much less go all the way.

Does it matter if she did or didn't? Eh, no, not really. I mean, if she DID commit adultery, then there's a greater chance she's lying about the finalization of the divorce, and if her divorce wasn't final, then I deserve to keep her $9.99, since she violated the Terms of Use. But there's no way to tell, and it's better to err on the side of mercy, I figure. So I refunded her money.

But, like I said, I'm struggling a bit, because part of me wonders if I'm just letting myself get taken by a liar.

-Randy "Can You Have The Librarian Photocopy and Fax Your Pants So I Can See If They're On Fire?" Tayler