About "The Passion of the Christ"...

Ebert said it was the most violent movie he had ever seen.

Eric Snider, who is LDS, gave it an A -- here's his movie review. I like what he said:

The idea of Jesus taking the sins of the world upon himself is abstract to me, because I don't know what that would feel like, or what natural force would cause one to feel it. It is spiritual, not tangible. But pain, I can relate to. The physical aspects of Christ's atonement are something I can understand -- and I understand them better, and am more grateful for them, after seeing their depiction in this film.

Now then -- I think this whole issue relates back to Jacob: "And also it grieveth me that I must use so much boldness of speech concerning you, before your wives and your children, many of whose feelings are exceedingly tender and chaste and delicate before God, which thing is pleasing unto God... Wherefore, it burdeneth my soul that I should be constrained [to] tell you the truth according to the plainness of the word of God..."

I take that as meaning, quite simply, that some folks don't need to hear the "awful truth" -- I believe that the Spirit can testify more powerfully about Christ's sacrifice than a movie can convey.

But I think a movie is certainly easier. You don't need to be righteous to see a movie.

I think a lot of Christians don't need to see the horrendous violence re-enacted to be humbled. And yet it can help so many Christians (and non-) to understand better what physical agony Christ went through.

In short, I think the movie is a good thing, and, frankly, I think God approves of it. "for every thing which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ, is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God." But I don't think He necessarily expects his saints to see it -- the counsel is not to see it, and if you've been following all His other counsel, you probably don't need to. You might be better off spending those same hours praying.

I'm still not decided -- personally, I think I need the message it has to share, and seeing the movie is easier than praying for two hours. Maybe after seeing it, I WILL pray for two hours.

So, as none of you are probably aware, I'm an aspiring screenwriter. That's right, Singlesaints.com is just my side gig while I try to make the real living writing uplifting movies.

Well, I recently optioned my first screenplay. Granted, it was only for $1 for one year, but that's perfect for framing, I say. And the guy producing it -- or rather, trying to produce it -- seems to have some great connections already for this particular project.

The nice thing about the 1-year deadline is that I don't need to wait 10 years to see if it'll get produced. One year, then it's mine again to shop around as I see fit. Woo hoo!

How did it happen, you ask? I wish I knew. It's all in who you know, as they say. In any case, I'm not getting too stoked yet, since the odds are still against it ever being made, but I they're certainly better now with a producer on board than when it was just me and my words.

I'm also currently working on my second novelization -- I wrote the novelization of The RM and now am struggling through The Home Teachers -- so I'm already a paid novelist. Go me!

I have this belief about the gay-marriage thing. I believe, solely because of my faith in the LDS church, that there is greater happiness in store for the gay man that foregoes his tendencies and loves a woman. (Obviously SHE'D be happier -- a more sensitive, girly man? "Hallelujah!" she shouts, taking her man to the mall.)

I believe that God loves us all, and that the challenge of same-sex attraction carries with it a greater potential for happiness for those who overcome it.

I believe that if we allow same-sex marriages, we are closing our minds and hearts to the possibility of the greater happiness God has in store. I think it would rob people with same-sex tendencies of an incredible level of joy.

I hope that the reactions of homosexuals to such a concept would be open-minded and not condemnatory.

I hope. Some won't, of course, even after testimonies come forward about the happiness a formerly gay man or woman now has achieved. (Tangent: There are deaf people that oppose giving cochlear implants to deaf children (which would allow them to hear) because they feel it's not something that needs to be fixed. http://www.cochlearamericas.com/About/339.asp)

So. Revelation.

If not revelation, then epiphany. Probably epiphany.

The math... the math of life has never added up. One of the results of a bipolar mind, I suppose; as I look around at the world, I've never been able to see how it could be anything but depressing to the souls within it.

Seriously -- any good thing has a thousand negatives tagged on as well. At least, from the point of view of someone that is clinically depressed.

But the Church and the Gospel point out that "men are that they might have joy". Additionally, most folks seem to think life is pretty decent. MOST folks haven't thought about killing themselves to escape the pain of existence. How can that be? The math isn't adding up. So.

So, I take it on faith that my math is wrong, and that the majority are right, and that the Church is right, and that life is pretty good, and I just need medication. It's kept me alive so far, which, depending on your point of view, is probably a good thing. (Ask the depressed octagenarian who wishes they'd killed themselves five decades previously and you might get a different answer.)

So, all that is postulate A.

Postulate A. The world is not a horrible, miserable place.

There is misery, and there is horror, but somehow there's also enough good that most folks want to keep living in it.

Next, we come to the fact that the collective unconscious, the myths and archetypes in all great stories and legends, tell us there is something more that we can have. When the hero saves the day, he saves the world. Superman. Luke Skywalker. Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I don't know, but probably Buddha, and definitely the Savior. I've long believed that the myths in all cultures stem from the fact that Christianity was the original religion of Adam and Eve, and the prophecies of the Christ soaked into the mythos and cultures that devolved from there.

Boston sings "I gotta keep on chasing that dream, or I may never find it." WHAT dream? They don't even know for sure, which is what makes it so elusive.

"Someday we'll find it: the Rainbow Connection. The lovers, the dreamers, and me." Thank you, Jim Henson. Now what the hell is a "rainbow connection?"

This is all leading up to something cool, I promise.

Also, the Light of Christ is available to all, and as such we have common knowledge of good and evil, and, I believe, a sort of unconscious knowledge that the world needs saving. We still make new movies each year about some great evil coming to destroy the world, and the heroes that fight it.

In the Church we know the world needs saving from Satan's grasp -- although we tend to forget that we must establish the Kingdom of God before the Kingdom of Heaven can come; the Savior's return will not be when the world becomes sufficiently evil, but rather when there is a society that can endure his presence -- when we've become sufficiently good!

Hence,

Postulate B. The world needs to be saved from evil.

By that we mean as many souls as possible.

Moving on.

Artists, songwriters, poets, painters -- there's an unmistakable correlation between artists and bipolarity or depression. WHY? What kind of God would give people a disorder that prevents them from feeling happiness like most other folks do? (Unless, perhaps, you prescribe to the belief, like I once did, that all depression results from sin. To you I say, Screw You. My darkest despair came when I was at my most righteous. And the medications work. Why would I be able to chemically make myself happier if blah blah blah you get the point.)

Well, all gifts of the Spirit are intended to bless the lives of others, right? Right.

Bare with me, it's somewhat offensive if you've ever suffered from depression. You've already made the connection, but now I have to say it.

Depression is a "gift" given to souls in order to bless the lives of others. Van Gogh. Beethoven. Churchill. Keats. Fitzgerald. Tchaikovsky. Lincoln. Dickens. Twain. Michelangelo. The list goes on. Why are they better able to help the world around them?

Postulate C. Those with depression cannot be complacent with the world as it stands, because happiness is much more elusive for them. They search harder, and try harder, to bring happiness into the world.

Like how my postulates are to be taken as "givens", when they're really more like hypotheses? Yeah. I was never much of a mathematician. Even when I passed the AP BC Calculus exam -- I think there must have been some heavy curving that year. But, like I said, the math never added up before anyway.

So. Whew. You still with me? We're coming up on a fourth and final postulate before the conclusion, the epiphany, that I mentioned at the start.

Start here, if you think "justification" and "sanctification" are the same thing. They're not. "By the Spirit ye are justified, and by the blood ye are sanctified." We're talking the good kind of justified, not the self-justifying thing we idiots tend to do to hide our sins. Justified is forgiven, but sanctified goes beyond that -- sanctified is being "made perfect in Christ" and having your "garments washed clean". (Moroni 10:32-33)

Now. Lehi talks about the fruit of the tree that was desirable above all other fruit. And it filled him with exceedingly great joy. Is he talking about justification, which Saints enjoy when they partake of the Sacrament? Or is he talking about sanctification, which a select few people on this Earth are probably enjoying right now?

Postulate D. Sanctification is the great joy Lehi spoke of.

I can cite more scriptures -- the people of King Benjamin were righteous, offering up sacrifices, coming to the temple to hear a prophet, and THEN they had the mighty change of heart that filled their hearts with joy -- which show that justification is where we find ourselves at any given time when we're righteous. You worthy to take the sacrament? Feeling the Spirit? You're justified.

But the main reason I know that Lehi's great joy is sanctification, rather than the justification we all know and experience, is that justification DOESN'T MAKE ME THAT HAPPY.

I mean, bipolarity aside, if someone were to tell me that I have partaken of the fruit, but I'm in denial, or I'm beating myself up, or failing to forgive myself, or anything like that, then I can tell them they're insane. Unless they're the President of the Church, in which case I'm outta here. Seriously, I'd leave the Church if I believed that I have experienced the great joy Alma spoke of when he described joy "as exceeding as" was his pain.

I haven't felt it. Not yet. But I believe in it. Now more than ever.

HA! It goes back to Postulate C... it makes sense now more than it did when I WROTE that 10 minutes ago. Ready? Normal people have fluctuations between happiness and sadness that are sufficient for them to live life contentendly. They get enough variety. But the depressed person gets a taste for sadness that CANNOT be rivaled in this life WITHOUT sanctification. "AS EXCEEDING AS WAS MY PAIN," says Alma.

It goes back to the need for opposition in all things -- how could we know to strive for a greater happiness if we didn't have a greater misery to show us the scale? It's like... what is it like? I wanted to say "life's emotional dipstick" but that doesn't work. It's basically like a see-saw, shrouded in darkness. Most folks are near the axle, experiencing the good side and the bad side in small portions. But the super-happy side requires enormous effort to attain, and it's hidden from view. So we get a chemical helper that shows how much misery is possible. (And by no means do I believe I've reached the farthest end of misery -- I just know that I have had more misery than most folks I've talked to. Greater amounts with greater frequency.)

And while we stand at the edge of the see-saw, wallowing in despair... we might just realize that there must exist a happiness to match our pain. If we don't kill ourselves first.

There is a greater happiness, and it's sanctification.

Here comes the conclusion.

When one person achieves sanctification, he should be better able to help those around him achieve it. When you see a truly sanctified soul, you will be inspired to do everything they do to have the joy they have -- you'll give up all your sins to get what they've got. As it is, missionaries aren't the most happy people in the world, so missionary work is growing more slowly than it could.

But imagine a ward where the members have achieved sanctification. They radiate joy and love. People around them want to be like them, near them. The Church starts drawing in more and more people, and they repent faster and better -- no more holding on to some sins like we do -- half-heartedly repenting, getting rid of the big ones but leaving some smaller ones "to make this life livable" as Depeche Mode sings.

THEN, the wildfire starts. THEN the people start coming in droves; baptisms of hundreds rather than individuals or families.

From there, who knows how long until the Lord returns. Or how many people need to join the ranks of the sanctified before he comes back. (Certainly there are SOME people in the world now that could endure his presence; but he's waiting for more. How many more?)

Conclusion. The world will be saved, in essence, by individuals who attain sanctification through Christ's atonement. They'll be the saviors on Mount Zion. (And my depression has helped me to see that) sanctification is the greater happiness that the world needs, that I need. If I repent, truly repent, and seek sanctification, I can be a force in saving the world from evil on a scale that is unprecedented.

Then again, maybe I'm just hypomanic. Raving like a lunatic, not quite medicated properly. But I don't see what damage can come from trying.

(I haven't said much about how to become sanctified, though I've read a lot about it in the Book of Mormon. Mainly, though -- I need to stop sinning. Pretty simple.)

Anyhow, maybe it will take me ten years -- maybe more, hopefully less -- and then I can bring my family to my level of joy, and then those around us... I can't wait! Time to start repenting for real.

Well, Singlesaints has jumped up in rank for the search term "lds singles", and I think it's because I finally hunted down a couple missing things -- one was a missing image, and the other was my old counter.php page. Having found those, the site jumped from page 6 to page 1... for about an hour. Then it fell back to page 2, but no complaints -- it's still closer than before, and it makes me think we're within reach of the top 3 once again.

Valentine's Day was okay; the fudge never settled, so we ate chocolate-sugar goo. ALL of it.

And I'm down another pound, somehow. Makes no sense -- what with Madison's birthday and Valentine's day, I had sugar about every day this last week, yet I'm still down to 168.6. (Digital scale.) I guess it's the Prozac that's doing it.

New memberships at Singlesaints have slowed down somewhat... I'm hoping our newfound search rank will change that a bit.

Well, I made fudge while Rebecca slept. It's now 1:12 AM, before Valentine's Day, and I'm hoping she thinks it's romantic. I even cut up a pie-pan to make a heart-shape. Oh, and I killed Cupid, and stuck his head on a pike coming out of the fudge. Hope she likes that, too.

And can I just say, the soft-ball stage is a pain in the hiney. And the wrist -- I kept stirring and stirring, and it seemed to never quite get there. I HOPE I cooked it hot enough -- we'll see if this puppy sets up.

So, Massachusetts is all up in arms about the gay marriage thing, because their Supreme Court said their current constitution does not forbid gay couples to marry. Politicians are trying to hammer something out, and crowds are protesting the attempts to ban gay marriage.

So here's my idea. Join the protesters, but with signs that say "Incest is best! Let siblings marry!" and "Siblings are people too!" I think most folks are still appalled at that idea, and I think it puts things into the proper perspective: some things are wrong, period.

If I lived in Massachusetts (does anyone even know anyone that lives there? Isn't it like a county in Rhode Island?) I'd be doing it in a heartbeat.

I also thought about some posters advocating bestiality, like "let me marry my best friend" with a dog's picture, but that's probably a bit too incendiary.

Update on "Mahana":

She wrote back. *sigh*

So because I don't log onto my account every day I just loose my account and my money? Really not cool. And your email didn't in any way ask me to defend myself, it just simply stated that you believed some email from someone and deleted my account, no questions asked. I'd much rather have my account reinstated but if you can't do that, then send my money back to my Paypal account. I know you have some time to refund that, without cost to you as I have been a member of Paypal for many years. This is in no way my fault. I'm sorry my ex is a jerk, gee I wonder why we aren't married any longer, and I don't log on every day, I have a job, a boyfriend, play rehearsal and 3 kids to take care of, so the internet isn't my life. The moment I read your email I responded. Can't respond to some issue if I don't know it exsists.

To which I said:

Sorry for the confusion. Let me clarify.

A) the email came from < her email addy >, which is the email you gave to Paypal. Why would someone be able to check your email and send from your email? Seems reasonable to assume only a spouse (or, yes, a jerk ex) would have that kind of access.

B) I responded to THAT email address, not to this one. I don't understand why you have a separate email account for Paypal, and why you don't check it.

C) Naturally I can't have not-completely-divorced people on the site, so I had to take action ASAP; I felt 24 hours was plenty. I'm happy to reinstate your account, but I'd like a faxed copy of your divorce paper (any page of it with the divorce date on it will do) so I can see the date myself. It's his word against yours, and that will solve the problem.

Sorry to make you jump through hoops. I'm liable if I let non-single people be on the site. If you'd like your account reinstated, please fax me the doc at < my fax # >, and it'll be back in no time.

Randy

I thought that was fair. She didn't.

Good grief. Okay here is the WHOLE story. I tried to give Paypal my new email address but I had to have my old checking account number in order to change that. Since I am divorced and have moved halfway across the country from my ex, I do not have any of those old checks, or check books, bank statements, etc... So I wasn't able to change my email addy. When I made the payment I knew it would go to my old aol account, which I knew Thurston would gain access too, because no matter how many times I change my password he still has the ability to call aol and get it. I waited for the confirmation email to arrive at my aol account, so I could delete it before Thurston got to it. I deleted it but I didn't think about deleting it from my recently deleted file, which of course he checked and which is why you got an email from him. Am I used to this? Yes, it's been a problem for quite some time and I'm just! not as cunning as him I guess. So, that is why I have used a yahoo account for all email and why Paypal still has my old one.

I do not have a computer of my own. I'm using one at the library as I speak, there is no scanner, so I can't scan the divorce papers to email them to you. I also do not have a fax machine, and therefore would have to pay to send you a paper that I really don't think I should have to send. Yup, his word against mine. In fact I also have no furniture, no car, not even a dish to account for 9 whole years of marraige. I do however have 3 beautiful children that I had to fight for. Thurston hasn't paid a dime of child support to help me care for them, but instead dumped $30,000 of debt on me. He kept the 4 houses we own, both cars and every possession. All I wanted was out of the marraige[sic] because he's totally crazy and I couldn't take it anymore.

So, after all that, I find a great website where I can talk to people. People who have been in similar situations and for the most part live too far away from me, so I can be myself, dump my crap on and don't have to worry about what they think. Then you decide to start charging us for talking on your site and it took me about 3 days to finally get the stupid thing paid for because of the previous Paypal account issues that I told you. My ex did exactly as I thought he would (boy I never learn) and you cancel my account, want me to now prove I'm divorced which will cost me even more money that I don't have and I'm so dang frustrated I think I could cry right now. Just give me back my money and I'll never go to your site again.

Well, I caved in and refunded her money. Though I'm having a hard time imagining a way she could get NOTHING financial out of the divorce, unless Thurston (names have been changed, by the way) was telling the truth about her having committed adultery.

Then again, I'm no divorce lawyer. But I'm struggling, because I have very, very little love for someone that commits adultery. Fornication, sure. You are in love, things get heated, you make a (large) mistake. But ADULTERY -- whew, nelly. I don't see how you can do something so evil -- I don't see how you could hold hands with someone that's not your spouse, much less go all the way.

Does it matter if she did or didn't? Eh, no, not really. I mean, if she DID commit adultery, then there's a greater chance she's lying about the finalization of the divorce, and if her divorce wasn't final, then I deserve to keep her $9.99, since she violated the Terms of Use. But there's no way to tell, and it's better to err on the side of mercy, I figure. So I refunded her money.

But, like I said, I'm struggling a bit, because part of me wonders if I'm just letting myself get taken by a liar.

-Randy "Can You Have The Librarian Photocopy and Fax Your Pants So I Can See If They're On Fire?" Tayler

So, I got an unusual email the other day:

Randy,

I am Mahana's husband. I thought you should know that she is not single but is married. She has filed for divorce after committing adultery but that divorce is not final. Just thought you should know.

Only it didn't say "Mahana" -- names have been changed to protect the parties involved.

Now, it came as a REPLY to the email that Paypal sends users when they pay to join Singlesaints. So this was somebody using the same email address as "Mahana", which provided further support to the claim of being her husband.

I replied with the following:

Mahana or husband,

Contact information? Divorce date? What's the story, folks? Mahana, I'll have to assume this is correct information, and will delete your account, if I don't hear back from you.

Randy

She didn't respond within 24 hours, so I deleted her account. But 24 and a half hours later, I got the following from a different email address, apparently the one the automated "You've been deleted" message was sent to:


I appreciate what you are trying to do but I wish you would have asked me about this before just cancelling my account. That email very well could have been from my ex husband, but yes my divorce is final. On the other hand it could have been from any of my ex boyfriends, since I have met a few men from this site, or just some jerk who thought it would be funny. Not cool to just cancel my account.

-Mahana


Apparently she never got my email asking for details, since she says she wished I would have asked.

Am I worried I deleted an innocent person? No, not really. She's not too vehement about getting her money back, which you'd think she would be if she felt like she'd been wronged. She didn't really even fight my decision.

My favorite part was "it could have been from any of my ex boyfriends". Girlfriend, what kind of lice are you dating?

I wrote back and said "I waited 24 hours after asking you to clarify the situation." That was yesterday; haven't heard back today. I'm thinking it's a pretty clear-cut case of pants being on fire, possibly even hanging from a telephone wire.

That makes her the third person who lied about their divorce being final in the 5 years Singlesaints has been around. Not too bad, I guess.

T-minus 7 days and counting before Valentine's Day. Rebecca and I have been married 3 years, our daughter just had her one-year birthday yesterday, and we're living with Rebecca's dad. What gift do these factors mandate?

Dunno, but I hope it's something cheap. If the 25th year of marriage is "silver", and 50th is "gold", then I think we're still on "paper" or perhaps "cardstock". Maybe "paper-mâche" -- that being French and all. A nice, romantic evening with newspaper strips and watered-down paste.

You'd think I'd have some insights into romance since I run a site for LDS singles. Alas, such is not the case; I use to think I was a hopeless romantic, but then I got married, and now romance seems... well, almost silly.

Something I need to get over, obviously, if I want Rebecca to be happy. And, of course, I have no money to spend. I considered stealing flowers from around the neighborhood -- probably not the best idea I've had.

...though maybe I could find some wildflowers...

It's tricky. Maybe I can get Chuck to watch Madison and I can take Rebecca out someplace that's free, but romantic. Maybe we could go make out in a park someplace... hmm.

Or maybe I can get her computer up and running, and we can just flirt online chatting from upstairs to downstairs. That was half of our dating anyway.

It's not like I had any choice.